I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
