Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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