I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
