Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
