she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's always time for handjobs
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
