How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
