i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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