She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
