Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We're too hungover to prance.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
