absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
