Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
