Say something about gay babies.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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