just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
