who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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