Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
