I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
