now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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