I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
