you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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