I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
