We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
