There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
