rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
