I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
