He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
