my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
