new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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