a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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