Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
