my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
