dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
