Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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