I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
