I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
