Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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