In the future we'll all be gay
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
