I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
