lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
