Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
