I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
