Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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