its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
