I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
