the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
