all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
