i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
