So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
