I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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