Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
