I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
