The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
