Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
