He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
