i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
