I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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