When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
