I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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