He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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