piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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