I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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