and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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