I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
