Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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