ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
