I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much