I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.