it was like his penis was on wheels.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.