so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
