Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
